Processing…

Life is crazy! As if that isn’t known or stated already. There have been so many changes in life recently. Here is my attempt to process through it all-

I unfortunately had to withdraw from classes for the semester due to mental health. I got a new job that has been so fun and I am so excited about. I started as an art teacher assistant at a nonprofit center. It is all about inspiring creativity and reaching out to the community. The people there are awesome. I am trying to find another job/ source of income because my job is freelance and has more consistent work during the school year.

I also started an internship at my church, which has been amazing to serve so far and continue to grow and develop in who I am and who I am created to be. I still volunteer at the children’s hospital one day a week. I am trying to keep my schedule balanced so I have time to see my friends, spend time with my family, and have enough time for myself. I am trying to create better habits. I am trying organize my room, keep it that way, and make it a space I enjoy being in. A few of my friends are getting married and I am in their weddings so that is another exciting/ involved process. I am trying to be creative more daily (this tends to fall through the cracks).

Things I still need to do: Find a therapist. Clean my car. Go to the eye doctor and get new glasses. Catch up on all the embroidery projects I wanted to make for friends. Decide what I am doing for school. Make good sleep habits. Spend less time on screens.

Hopefully this will help me order it all around in my mind.

Goodbye 2018, and thank you.

Written on Dec. 30, 2018:

This year has gone by insanely fast. This was the first year in three years that I was not in a long-term relationship. I entered 2018 on my own (with lots of love and support). I learned independence, although it hadn’t really gone anywhere and really I just needed to be reminded of it. I am amazed that I have so much love surrounding me.

It was a hard year in terms of learning lessons, dealing with my mental health, and continually learning how to let go of things that are not healthy and do not bring joy.

But here we are, two days away from a new year again. I’m entering this year even with just a better vantage point than the last. Not being literally days out from a really emotional breakup I feel as if I have a little leg up on myself from this time last year. 😉

I am excited for what the next year brings. I am also tired and apathetic at times, because that is what depression can do. Either way, in this moment im choosing to focus on the joy.

I’m not going to do “New Year’s Resolutions” because those never really work out. I am continually trying to better myself, however. I want to try new forms of exercise to be healthy. Eat more consistently. Practice my hobbies way more often. Be gracious towards myself and others. I have a desire to be like Jesus (not who people who have twisted him into to fit their own agenda but what he practiced) a.k.a. LOVE. Serve more. Think of myself less. When I do think of myself, do so kindly. Take care of me. Be strong and quick-witted. Practice RAK (random acts of kindness) as often as possible. Compliment others. Find passions. Be in love, be loved, be love. Be healthy: mind, body, and spirit.


So goodbye to one year of growth. I am hoping to usher in another year of growth, but hoping that this one will be motivated by happiness and love. Wishing you all JOY in 2019!

First dates.

A few nights ago I went on a date. A first date, to be specific. The last time I went on a first date was almost four years ago now.

Three of those years were spent in a long term relationship (a story for another time); the other year-ish has been spent figuring out how to be me again. I learned a lot in those three years, but it all could be considered almost nothing when compared to this year after. I did not know what it would feel like to be a year out from the end of such a significant relationship at that point in my life.

It is good. I am happy, and know I am loved as well as have plenty of love to give. If you would’ve asked me at certain points during those three years, I might not have been able to give that complete answer.

It feels fun to get back out there, but also a little strange to be back in this place that at one point in time I thought I might never experience with anyone new again. Alas, the story changes, thankfully, for the better.

Here’s to being in new places with new people. Places that are fun, exciting, a little uncomfortable, nerve-inducing, and also overall temporary. It’s time to enjoy every season of life.

Gratitude.

I am so grateful for my family. I am grateful to have beautiful, wonderful friends that I love. I am grateful to always be learning and growing.

Gratitude is so incredibly powerful. This is obviously not an original idea; there are many authors, psychologists, and humans looking into the benefits of practicing gratitude daily. The people in my life that I look up to the most live a life of gratitude. In my opinion it is something we are born with the capacity for, but is something we need to put into practice to grow. The more gratitude is practiced, the easier it becomes a reflex to turn to not only when it is easy (but when it is necessary).

A lot of my thoughts can be anxious, and I know that I need to actively change them to make the difference that I would like to see. Also, when you are grateful, I don’t think you can take anything for granted. This has become extremely important to me through certain life experiences lately. Taking a step back out of my own head to examine my thoughts is something that can be difficult; it takes a lot of self-awareness. I know that this is something that is worth it though.

I’m hoping writing this will keep me accountable not to be perfect, but to be in practice.